Don’t crop your Pit Bull’s ears. That’s just cruel. How would you like to have your ears lopped off with hedge trimmers?

Don’t leave your Pit Bull’s ears intact. They just look silly and they might be at a disadvantage if they ever encounter one of those ear-pulling disciplinarian-type grandmothers. Or a bear.

Don’t neuter your Pit Bull before 5 years of age because you will rob it of vital hormonal juiciness it needs to grow up big and strong.

Don’t neuter your Pit Bull later than 5 months of age because it might get testicular cancer.

Don’t put your name on your Pit Bull’s tags because then a stranger might read them and be able to call your dog by name, and everybody knows that a Pit Bull will never go with a stranger that doesn’t know its full and proper name.

Which reminds me, don’t use nicknames with your Pit Bull. The breed has an image to uphold, you know. While we’re at it, don’t ever put cute froo froo stuff on your Pit Bull, like bandanas or sweaters. Nobody’s fooled, and these dogs don’t get cold anyway.

Don’t register your Pit Bull with the city because the super-secret covert ops agents will swoop down on your home and carry your dog off in a black helicopter.

Don’t own an unregistered Pit Bull or you make baby Jesus cry.

Don’t thump your Pit Bull on the head. Not sure why anybody would need to be told this, but it’s sound advice at any rate.

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Don’t bike with your Pit Bull because they will eventually pull to the wrong side of a telephone pole and you will die.

Don’t own an untrained Pit Bull ‘cuz that’s just as bad as leaving a machine gun on your front lawn.

Don’t take your Pit Bull to group classes because it will definitely grab another dog and create massive media headlines.

Don’t show your Pit Bull in UKC dog shows because it will definitely break that silly little shoestring leash and wipe out the surrounding dog population.

Don’t show your Pit Bull in ADBA dog shows because we all know that those are just a cover for prostitution and drug smuggling. Nobody shows their dogs unless they’re into something illegal. I mean, duh.

Don’t weight pull with your Pit Bull because PeTA will so get you for that.

Don’t do obedience with your Pit Bull because these dogs just aren’t that smart.

Don’t do agility with your Pit Bull. See any above line about machine guns or mass genocide.

Don’t bathe your Pit Bull any more than once a year because you’ll dry out its coat, or any less than once a week because that’s just gross.

Don’t speak in any other language except English to or around your Pit Bull because that’s deeply offensive to their cultural heritage.

Don’t post on any Pit Bull-related message boards because the CIA, FBI, ATF and any other associated letter people will swoop down and take your computer, you naughty thing.

Don’t get any of that paraphernalia stuff (treadmills, springpoles, etc.) because, yeah, just because.

Don’t get a blue-nose Pit Bull because they are fake.

Don’t get a red-nose Pit Bull because everyone knows that red is recessive to black and without strong pigment your dog will spontaneously combust in the sunlight.

Don’t get a black-nose Pit Bull because those are just boring to look at. If you’re going to get a Pit Bull, you might as well make a statement.

Don’t teach a Pit Bull to open the fridge and get you a beer. They will eventually become alcoholics and you’re just being lazy.

Don’t leave a Pit Bull without a job to do, unless the only job available is beer retrieval.

DO replace the words "Pit Bull" with any other breed and the result is the same.....it's NOT the breed, it's the ignorance.