I'm no Martha.

I am no Martha Stewart, and nor would I want to be. I sure admire her though, indeed I do. I read her magazine every month, although I get it from the library, a fact which I'm pretty sure would put me on her shit list. Not that she would ever say "shit list", or even admit to having one.

I have had some success with some of her crafts and some of her really simple recipes, but so many of her recipes tend to have ingredients that I not only don't have in the house, some of them I have never heard of before. I mean seriously, have you ever heard of "lovage" or "muhammara" or "ajwan seed"? Have you? Really? I don't believe you.

I've heard of pomegranate and I've heard of molasses, but I've never heard of "pomegranate molasses". Lately I've heard mention of "za'atar", but I certainly don't know what it is, and I know damn well I don't have any in my cupboard.

I often buy my spices at the Dollar Store (Shhh...don't tell Martha that) If I went in there and asked for some "ajwan seed", I bet they'd call the RCMP. If I asked for "lovage", they'd direct me to the Adult Store. If I asked for "muhammara", they'd probably think I was just clearing my throat. So, it's not really much use trying any of Martha's fancier recipes. Besides, I have a few tried and true things that I make when friends come over. Everyone has a few recipes that they have perfected over the years, and you always know that this particular meal will be a rousing sucess. I think people even look forward to coming over and having the same thing.

But. *sigh*

Today, I read this in her magazine: "I keep records of all meals served so that if I have the same houseguests twice, I don't serve them the same thing more than once--unless, of course, they beg to have their favorite dish again."

What can I say? I'll just never be able to compete with Martha Stewart.