Another Interruption

So now I am going to confess a secret...up until now only known by my 2 boys (who don't consider it any sort of secret, or even any sort of news at all) and Coral. It involves cell phones.

As you all know, I am anti-cell phone. It really almost enrages me to see these self important businessmen in line-ups at Starbucks (a slight exaggeration as I also boycot Starbucks, but that's another tale for another time) , the fatcats in their Hummers and their other massive SUV's, these vapid women on their phones, panicking about a "playdate" for their children as they cruise through school zones moving several tons of metal that will not stop on a dime. Seriously...go out and count the amount of people using a cell, it's astonishing.

Some folks not only need their phone at all times, it's now at the point where they can't just have it in their purse, or in their pocket, or hooked on their being in a special little cell-phone holder, they just can't bare to not be hooked up for every second of the day. They have ear pieces, and these ear pieces are getting smaller and smaller so that half the time you can't even see them, which leads to the problem of distinguishing cell-yakkers from the truely delusional.

Cell phones have ruined the concept of being alone and of having free time. What kind of "free" time do you have if you are connected to everyone you know for every minute of the day? In the bush, enjoying the sounds of nature? Now, I know that you will say, "Well, duh, we shut it off." Well suuure you do. And then you can't wait to turn it on and see who you missed, what you missed, how many texts you missed, and how quickly you can text/phone them back again: "omg. missed u. what r u doin. call me."

"Brriingggg" (and of course, it isn't even a gentle ring...it's Dixie Chicks or some other shrill noise.)

"H'lo?"

"What 'cha doin'?"

"Walkin' in the woods. you?"

"Goin' downtown."

"Oh yeah."

" What 'cha doin' later?"

"Dunno. You?"

"Dunno. Call me."

"K. Bye."

Yeah, that was sure an emergency. Good thing they had their cell phones with them.

I like to have times when I am unavailable, and that why I walk in the bush or go to the library. However, I will grudgingly admit that a cell has it's uses, especially if you are lost or simply not near a phone when you need one. Which is why....drumroll please....I bought one 2 months ago. Oh My God...it hurt to say that.

We figured that when we got to Vancouver for this cruise, there were going to be times when we would need to phone one of the kids for directions or to let them know where we were in case they were picking us up. So I went to Bell (since I know the a fellow who work there, and I knew he would be kind to me, as a cell phone virgin) and told him that i wanted the cheapest and most basic phone and plan there was.

He hooked me up with a little salmon coloured thing for the grand price of $23 a month and I think I had lots of minutes, not really sure what I exactly had. I came home and phoned my house phone to see if it worked, and then phoned the cell phone to see it IT worked ( and to see if I knew how to use the damn thing.) I texted Coral to see if I knew how to do that, and she texted back to see if I had enough sense to figure out how to use that feature.

The end. I forgot to ever take it anywhere, I never used it, we took it to Vancouver and I phoned one person one time for a ride and she wasn't home. I came home and looked at it for another week and thought: "f*ck it." and phoned the Bell folks to cancel it.

That was a chore in itself. "Do you know anyone who is interested in taking over this number?"

"No, I just want to cancel."

"We can find you a better plan, for your usage."

"ummm, yeah, my usage is zero so I think the best plan is called Cancel."

"We hate to lose you as a customer, is there some way we can rectify this problem?"

"Of course you hate to lose me, you're making almost $300 a year from me, and I'm not utilizing your services. There is no problem. I just don't want it."

"Can I put you on hold?"

"I guess. I don't know why. It's not like I'm some huge conglomerate that is cancelling a massive contract. Who are you going to notify? The president of Bell?"

"No ma'am, you don't have a contract, you just need to give us 30 days notice."

"Yes, I realize that, that's actually what this call is. A cancellation notice."

"Do you think there is anyone you know who would be interested in taking over this contract?"

"You know what? I don't know anyone. That's why I don't need this cell phone. Can I just cancel it...PLEASE?

"All right. Your final day of service will be July 4th. You will get a call to remind you."

"OK. Better use my land line since I have no idea where the cell phone even is."

End of story. I am probably the last person without a cell phone. And I like it.